They say to have her hair done, Liz flies all the way to France

And Jackie's seen in a discotheque, doin' a brand new dance

And the White House social season should be glittering and gay

But here in Topeka, the rain is a fallin'

The faucet is a drippin' and the kids are a bawlin'

One of them a toddlin' and one is a crawlin' and

One's on the way

I'm glad that Raquel Welch just signed a million-dollar pact

And Debbie's out in Vegas, workin' up a brand new act

While the TV's showin' Newlyweds: a real fun game to play

But here in Topeka, the screen door's a-bangin'

The coffee's boilin' over and the wash needs a-hangin'

One wants a cookie and one wants a changin' and

One's on the way

Now what was I doin? - Jimmy, get away from there - Darn, there goes the phone

"Hello, honey. What's that you say? You're bringin' a few ole army buddies home?

You're callin' from a bar? - Get away from there!

No, not you, honey; I was talkin' to the baby. Wait a minute, honey - the door bell -

Honey, could you stop at the market and... Hello? Hello?" Well, I'll be.

The girls in New York City, they all march for women's lib

And Better Homes and Gardens shows the modern way to live

And the pill may change the world tomorrow, but meanwhile today

Here in Topeka, the flies are a-buzzin'

The dog is a-barkin' and the floor needs a-scrubbin'

One needs a spankin' and one needs a-huggin; Lord

One's on the way

Oh, gee, I hope it ain't twins again.